It can be easy to ignore your own needs or illnesses and dismiss them as less serious or important. But not getting the care you need can mean you’re unable to care as effectively for yourself and your loved one.
When a loved one receives a diagnosis of ovarian cancer, you may feel all kinds of emotions.
This is even more true if you’re the caregiver of someone with ovarian cancer, which can differ from other cancers due to later diagnoses and higher chances of recurrences.
Looking after someone else can be physically and emotionally tough, and it can be hard to find time to take care of yourself.
With that in mind, we’ve put together some advice on how to take care of your own needs as well as support your loved one through their ovarian cancer journey.
To ensure that you don’t burn yourself out, you’ll want to set boundaries early on. Everyone will have different boundaries, so spend some time figuring out the best ones for you.
For example, can you only provide caregiving support at certain times of day or days of the week? Are there certain tasks that you don’t feel equipped to handle? Do you want to still be able to go to classes or pursue other hobbies?
Once you know the boundaries, you can set them kindly by speaking to your loved one, other friends and family, and medical staff. Having a shared calendar where times are set aside for you and caregiving can also help avoid confusion.
If everyone is aware from the beginning, you can more easily stick to the boundaries. If someone tries to break them, try to be firm. One way to work through this situation is to ensure that others can help when you can’t.
You can also plan ahead by having food and medication delivered, meals ready in the freezer, or ride services available if you can’t provide transport.
Don’t forget to speak to the person with cancer and find out what they’d like to do by themselves, too. It can be easy to assume they need help with everything when this may not be the case right now or in the future.
Being a caregiver can affect your mental health. Research has found significantly more anxiety and depression in people looking after someone with late stage cancer.
Try to carve time into the week for you to do things you enjoy and things that relax you. This could be meeting up with friends or simply having a bath and reading a book.
Even a few minutes a day of “you” time can make a difference.
Communicate how you’re feeling to friends, family, or partners who can listen. If you don’t feel comfortable speaking to others, try writing down your thoughts in a journal.
If you’re not comfortable speaking to people you know, consider making an appointment with a mental health professional such as a counselor or therapist. Not only will they listen nonjudgmentally, but they can also help you cope with stress and other emotions.
There are also caregiver support groups you can join — both in-person and online.
These are a chance to connect with people in your position, learn caregiving tips to make the role easier, and support each other. Ask your loved one’s medical team for information on a group near you.
Remember, you can ask for help. Having a support network for yourself is just as important for the person with cancer.
Looking after your mental health will also help your physical health. But there are other things you can do as well, particularly as it’s common for caregivers to feel exhausted due to a lack of sleep.
In fact, one 2021 study found that 90% of caregivers involved had less favorable sleep quality.
If you’re tired, ask others for help with manual tasks like errands, driving to appointments, cooking, and cleaning. You could list the activities you need help with and let people pick which one they’d like to take on.
Try to get a little exercise each day — even a short walk can benefit body and mind. If your loved one can do low impact exercise, you could go for a walk with them. This way, you’ll still fulfill your caregiver role while boosting your health.
If you need help sleeping at night, consider speaking with a healthcare professional. They may be able to prescribe medication to help you get some rest.
If you’re feeling unwell, it’s important to chat with a healthcare professional and take time to recover.
Letting someone else look after your loved one with ovarian cancer can give you much-needed rest. While you can lean on other family members and friends, respite care is also available.
You may be able to find a professional who can come to your home or a day center where your loved one can spend a longer amount of time. Residential facilities are also available for overnight care or longer stays if needed.
Healthcare professionals can help you find a suitable respite service. Generally, health insurance doesn’t cover the cost, but check the policy. Or ask whether Medicare or Medicaid will cover some or all of the costs in your state.
You can find general caregiver support groups or groups specific to the type of cancer your loved one has received a diagnosis for via the University of California San Francisco’s Patient & Family Cancer Support Center.
The National Ovarian Cancer Coalition and Ovarian Cancer Research Alliance have dedicated caregiver support groups.
The National Institutes of Health, Family Caregiver Alliance, and Caregiver Action Network also have resources about caregiving and caregiver support.
Being a caregiver to someone with ovarian cancer can be a physically and emotionally demanding role. It can be a lonely one, too.
Looking after your own well-being and building a support group can help you not only become a better caregiver but also avoid losing yourself in the process.
Lauren Sharkey is a U.K.-based journalist and author specializing in women’s issues. When she isn’t trying to discover a way to banish migraine headaches, she can be found uncovering the answers to your lurking health questions. She has also written a book profiling young female activists across the globe and is currently building a community of such resisters. Catch her on Twitter.